One of the things that bothered me about my time at Mogadao, was that there were no boundaries allowed or encouraged in the sexuality work. In my opinion, being able to express the healthy boundaries that you need is a very important aspect of sexuality. It was regularly said, “a room without repression is a healthy room.”  Zhen allowed her/himself to touch students because, as she would say, “I trust myself so it’s safe.” Students were shamed if they were unwilling to be as demonstratively sexual as the rest of the class.

          There were spoken agreements that you had a choice how explicitly you would touch yourself.  However, nowhere in the class description did it explain that classes would involve the whole class masturbating together.  Nowhere in the class description were you warned that there was not a choice whether or not you would see other students partially clothed or being explicitly sexual.  “Theatre” exercises involved intimate touching of other students.

          One time we did an exercise where the whole class was in a circle watching the “theatre.”  Students in the circle closed their eyes and were touching each other, but were supposed to be avoiding “intimate” areas.  My butt was caressed over and over again, with the school watching, there was no intervention, and since we had created a “sacred space” I did not feel like I could speak out.  

          I myself was touched inappropriately and very sexually during a class by Zhen herself.  At this point however, I was starting to see through the façade of the school, and knew of those who had been kicked out for questioning the meaning of moments like this.  Zhen knew I was struggling with my relationship to sex. Her touch felt like a power trip and really brought up a lot of confusion within me.

           We had been doing a “practice” that involved becoming aroused (“sacred” masturbation), so my body physically was given pleasure by this but since I had no desire for Zhen to touch me like that, my emotions and my mind were uncomfortable and screaming internally.  I tried to push her hands away, but she pushed my hands out of the way and touched me anyway as I froze up.  That inappropriate touch has been something I’ve been struggling to make sense of.