Mogadao reviews

*At the writing of this article the founder and primary teacher of the MogaDao Institute goes by the name Zhenevere Sophia Dao, and uses the pronoun ‘she.’ In this testimonial I will refer to her as ‘Zhen’ or ‘Z’ for short and use the pronoun ‘she,’ as that is what she went by when I studied with her. I will also use the abbreviation of ‘MD’ for MogaDao and ‘MI’ for MogaDao Institute. I will use the real names of staff members who have aided Z, while using fake names of victims in order to protect their identity as best as possible.

A Teacher Out of Integrity

My Mogadao tenure started like so many others’ did, thinking I had finally found a community, a program, and a teacher I could trust. The founder and teacher, Zhen, or Z as I will call her throughout this paper, was intelligent, charismatic, and appeared to be trustworthy; a teacher, I never thought would manipulate, abuse, and lie. She often preached of not being a guru, how Mogadao is not a “cult.” And claimed she was instilled with a supreme trustworthiness that allowed her to teach. Like many others I believed this and dedicated a tremendous amount of time, energy, and money to study and train with Z at the Mogadao Institute. Unfortunately, I was wrong and after witnessing and experiencing Z’s abuse, manipulation, and lying I left the school and cut all ties to Z and the MI.

There were red flags and warning signs from the start that I chose to ignore. Every time I started to doubt Z, the teachings, and the school, she would use her charisma and intelligence to say just the right thing, something that would make me think it was my own mind or my ego getting in the way. In class she would often say that if we were getting triggered it was our own shadow material we hadn’t dealt with, and had nothing to do with her or her teachings being wrong. This is often the way abusers and manipulators utilize spirituality, peer pressure, and group mentality. It makes you feel as if you are wrong for having questioning thoughts or doubting the group, the leader, or the teachings. This is a form of gaslighting.

I took every red flag that Z exhibited and used my mind to rationalize how it was just my own internal block to someone and something different from my way of thinking or being. I made myself believe that these were just obstacles to help me grow spiritually to become a better person; that Z’s behaviors and actions that I found questionable were really my own internal struggles to overcome. That is exactly how abusers and perpetrators get their victims to come back to them time and time again. Through manipulation, gaslighting, and lying predators can make you think it is you when it is truly them.

There is a whole slew of abusive, unethical, manipulative, and unacceptable behavior that I witnessed firsthand from Z, which was enabled by the MD staff: Sunny Smith, Thomas Jaggers, Eve Bradford, and Nikesha Breeze (Nikesha is no longer a staff member after being kicked out of the school, she was once a staff member and has enabled Z’s abusive behavior as well as corroborated with Z. After a long hiatus, she would eventually come back to the school but not rejoin staff).

And the more I talked to former students and community members the more the list of inappropriate behavior grows. After reviewing what I witnessed firsthand and hearing similar occurrences from many other students I now believe:

Zhen and the Mogadao Institute are out of integrity
Zhen acts hypocritically to her teachings
Zhen is not a safe or healthy teacher
The Mogadao institute is not a safe or healthy school
The Mogadao staff enables Zhen’s abusive behavior
Students aware of the issues who continue to attend classes and study with Zhen reinforce the abuse

My intention in sharing my experience and what I witnessed is so that prospective students interested in studying with Z and the MI can make an educated and informed decision knowing the truth. I personally would not recommend Z or any of the MD teachers or teachings to anyone. I greatly apologize for those who I did recommend MD to before I was more aware of the toxic and abusive nature of Z, the staff, and therefore the school and its teachings as a whole. If the soil is polluted, any vegetable that grows in it will be polluted too.

Z, the MD staff, and many of the dedicated followers will say that any act of calling Z out, either by writing a testimonial or talking to others about our experience is us seeking revenge, that we are disgruntled students, that we have our own spiritual demons getting in our way, that we are lying, that we are not living in reality, that Z’s teachings can be so overwhelming and challenging to one’s soul that we may not be able to handle it, and we are taking it out on Z. They will have thousands of ways to place the blame on myself, and the others speaking up. As in all choices, you have to think critically for yourself and make your own informed decision. Before you make your decision please ask yourself: What do the people who are writing testimonials have to gain by speaking up and putting their necks on the line? What does Z have to gain by trying to convince you these testimonials are lies and the authors are delusional? Which Z will attempt to do.

The answer to that is we will only gain the satisfaction of knowing we helped people see the truth so that they could make an informed decision in order to leave the school or avoid it altogether. We hope these testimonials can help others from becoming a victim of a high demand community. In reality we won’t even know if or how many people we will help avoid such a situation. It is more likely that we will only get more abuse and backlash from Z, staff, and loyal followers who do not see the truth or choose to turn a blind eye to it. We are not teaching this work and trying to get students to study with us instead of Z so we can make money, or be the “guru,” or have notoriety. We are simply pure and innocent people who truly want to make a difference in the world. We do not want revenge. We want healing. We want to stop the cycles of abuse of power in this situation in hopes that it will ripple out to the world at large.

Z on the other hand, has much to gain if she can get you to believe that we are making this stuff up for some reason. Every student she gets is more money in her pocket. Every student who studies with her gives her more energy and assurance that she is doing the right thing. As is often the case with abusers and liars they start small and every lie and abuse they get away with the bigger and more substantial the next one is. Every time Z receives a new student it reinforces her and her teachings, enabling her to think she can continue to get away with abusing and manipulating. It is time to stop this before it gets even worse, as it is already bad.

I personally want Z and staff to admit to their wrong doings, sincerely apologize, step down from teaching, and create a plan of action to address, heal, and fix the issues at hand of: abuse, manipulation, and hypocrisy. I also want all money that I put into this teacher and program to be refunded in full to me with interest. I hope that this testimonial helps you become more aware of yourself and your relationships and allow you to better navigate life and humanity in whole, so that you do not get taken advantage of and can live a pure and happy life.

The Most Alarming Pattern I Observed of Zhen and the Mogadao Institute Staff:

The most alarming pattern I observed with Zhen and the Mogadao staff was how they kicked five female students out of the school in the past six years and ostracized them from the community while spreading rumors that they are “psychologically unstable,” “delusional,” and “untrustworthy.”

There is a laundry list of red flags and unethical behavior from Zhen and the Mogadao Institute and staff acting out of integrity. Some are little. Some are large. For the purpose of this testimonial I am going to focus on the major issues I witnessed. Issues to me that carry enough weight to have made my decision to leave the school a very clear and simple decision.

The First Student I Witnessed Being Kicked Out:

Within a few months of joining Mogadao, Z and staff (comprised of Nikesha Breeze, Sunny Smyth, and Thomas Jaggers at the time; as Eve Bradford was not on staff at this point) held a school wide meeting to discuss the recent dismissal of a student. The student, who I will call Lisa for sake of anonymity, had been studying with Z for many years. Lisa was considered one of the top students and a leader in the school. She was well respected by other students and a friend to many. She was certified to teach multiple disciplines and was clearly dedicated to MD. After seeing Lisa attend every single class for the first three months I was in the school, she had suddenly disappeared and had not been seen in the school for over a month. Students were starting to wonder what happened to her.

We were told at the meeting that Z and the MD staff kicked Lisa out of the school and held the meeting to discuss why. In the meeting Z talked about how Lisa had allegedly made sexual advances towards Z and Nikesha (Z’s partner at the time), how Lisa was usurping class time and class discussions by talking excessively, and that Lisa was spreading rumors to ruin the reputation of Z and the MI. Z and staff informed us that this had been an ongoing and growing concern to the point where Lisa was asked by Z and staff to take a break for a few months. In the meeting Z and staff stated that they had communicated these concerns to Lisa and that they hoped after the time away from classes Lisa could reassess her actions and return to the school.

According to Thomas, Lisa chose to not accept the offer of taking a few months off. Instead Thomas stated that Lisa had felt like she was being banished from the school, and the reality is she was. It was at this point that Lisa started reaching out to other students to discuss the situation and voice her concern. Z said that Lisa was spreading rumors about Z and the MI. These rumors were supposedly causing concerns among the students, creating doubt in the community, and ruining the reputation of Z and the MI.

Z went on to talk about Lisa’s mental health, stating that she had psychological issues and could not be trusted. Z explained how Lisa had a past history of issues and that Z and staff were doing their best to keep her dismissal and her “issues” private and not let it leak into the school and “disrupt” classes. Z and staff talked about how this has happened in the past with two previous students, and how their psychological issues made them “not able to handle the material,” and that Z’s teachings and MD lead them into a psychotic episode. According to Z and staff it wasn’t their fault, it was the students’ faults for not being able to handle the material. Doesn’t sound like a healthy teacher or school to me.

It is incredibly alarming that Zhen claims to be an expert on trauma. She has created an entire qigong form and program around trauma and healing trauma. A big portion of that is sexual trauma. She also counsels people and students in regards to healing their trauma and their sexual trauma, but is not licensed or trained to do so. For Zhen to claim to be an expert on trauma and claim to know how to handle and help heal a person moving through trauma, then you would think when someone supposedly is “psychologically unstable,” as Zhen claimed Lisa to be, that Zhen would handle it with compassion, care, maturity, and respect. Zhen and the MogaDao staff did the opposite by banishing Lisa and then blaming her.

After this meeting about Lisa’s so-called “psychological instability” Z and staff created a handout to be passed out to current students, and to be shared with new students entering the school. In so many words the handout stated something along the lines of how ‘Mogadao is a practice that can bring up various traumas, and emotions, and that in order to practice you have to have enough psychological stability and mental health in order to attend classes and be in the school.’

I believe the handout was made to take the blame off of Z and staff for kicking out Lisa, while simultaneously reinforcing the gaslighting and manipulation that Z created about Lisa being “psychologically unhealthy.” To me it was quite obvious this handout was made in regards to Lisa as it was passed out right after Lisa was kicked out of the school and Z talked about her being psychologically unstable in the meeting in the same language as the handout.

The biggest red flag of this meeting is that Lisa was not present to share her story or speak her truth. She was not able to defend herself. With Lisa not present Z, Nikesha, Sunny, and Thomas were able to say whatever they wanted about Lisa. They were able to paint the picture the way they wanted us to see it. Without hearing Lisa’s perspective of the situations at hand no true justice or equality can be achieved. Imagine if a court only heard one side of the story.

So the entire time this meeting is happening I have this uncomfortable feeling in my gut. My inner dialogue keeps saying “Why isn’t Lisa here? Why aren’t we hearing her side of the story?” My soul is wanting to ask Z and staff where she is, and why she is not present at this meeting that is all about her. This whole meeting did not feel right. Something was off. However, having only been attending classes for three months at this point and being new to the school I didn’t feel I had the right to speak up. My mind rationalized that Z has been teaching for 30 years and dealt with situations like this her entire career, maybe I should just trust her and staff? They know what is best, right? WRONG!

In my opinion, that is exactly what Z banks on. Building enough trust so that you believe her and do not question her or the myriad of red flags in her words, her teaching, and her actions. I believe that Lisa was purposely not there because Z and staff wanted to portray her as psychologically unstable without her present to defend herself. I think that they wanted to twist and manipulate stories to fit their narrative so they could justify kicking Lisa out of the school. From my perspective they only called a meeting once they learned that Lisa was reaching out to other students and that students were beginning to question Z, the school, and the staff. It seems to me that the meeting was simply mop up duty to try to clean up the mess Z created by dismissing Lisa invalidly and to try to rebuild trust to keep students in the classes who were starting to become concerned.

The reality is, in the three months where I attended classes and trained side by side with Lisa, not once did I ever see anything even remotely close to Lisa making a sexual advance towards Zhen or Nikesha. Lisa had a very calm, strong, and stoic demeanor. She would show up to classes early and prepare, usually in solitude and silence. I noticed this because I, and many others looked to her as a leader in the school. Being a new student I watched Lisa closely. When she talked with other students she was caring and listened intently while maintaining clear boundaries. I saw the same when she communicated with Zhen and Nikesha. There was nothing out of the ordinary. No behavior that seemed like she was trying to get Zhen’s attention. She had been studying for many years and it was clear she took the teachings and Zhen seriously and wanted to get the most out of it.

During the three months of classes I never thought Lisa was usurping class time by asking too many questions and overtaking the floor during discussions. On the contrary I found her to have some incredibly thoughtful and valid comments and questions that helped deepen my experience and added to the fullness of discussions in a harmonious way with the many other intelligent students’ comments and questions. She added to the conversations when she had something worth contributing and she asked questions when she needed clarification. She did not speak out of turn, or more than anyone else in class.

Before moving to Santa Fe I had a very lengthy discussion with Lisa about her experience in MD and Santa Fe. She talked about how medicinal the practice was for her and how it helped her in many aspects of life. She shared some of her backstory and the chain of events in life that lead her to MD. These were very trying circumstances that she overcame and some that she was still working through. But not once did I ever feel she was psychologically unstable. I found her to be very courageous to face the circumstances life placed in front of her. It was very inspiring and my conversation with her and seeing her professional work ethic was one of the reasons I chose to move to Santa Fe and study at the MI.

When I found out she had been kicked out of the school I was very confused. As I stated it did not sit well with me for her to not be present at the meeting. After the meeting my intuition kept saying sit down with Lisa and ask her what her experience was. Listen to her side of the story. Get her truth. I did not have Lisa’s phone number and did not know how to contact her, and I thought Santa Fe is a small town, I will run into her eventually. I regret having such a laid back attitude of thinking I would just run into her.

I think there was a part of me that did not want to know the truth of her situation because then it would mean that all the sacrifices I had made to pick up and move my entire life to a new town and all my investments in what I thought would be my future and my career would all be for nothing. In my gut and in my heart I knew something was not right with Z and the way she handled that meeting and the removal of Lisa. Instead of looking deeper into the situation and finding the truth I chose to turn a blind eye of sorts in order to continue my practice in a self-imposed ignorance.

I ended up running into Lisa twice in the year following her dismissal, but both times were at a concert where it was not conducive for a healthy and productive conversation. We had some basic and quick interactions, and this only reinforced the feeling in my gut that I really needed to talk with her. It would be almost two years after Lisa’s dismissal that I would finally sit down and talk with her and finally get to listen to her side of the story.

I sat and listened to Lisa for hours, finally hearing the truth. Lisa described how tough it was to be ostracized from the school. MD was her community, her friends, her support group, her medicine. She looked to Z as a mentor and teacher. She respected Nikesha, Thomas, and Sunny as senior students and staff members. She said she was blindsided when they asked her to stop attending class. Lisa said there was no discussion about taking a break and then returning to the school. She said that from the beginning Z and staff made it seem as if she was indeed banished from the school. She said that she was so confused and baffled as to being kicked out of the school with little information or reason from Z that she started reaching out to friends and classmates to try to get clarification. She was not trying to spread rumors, in actuality she was letting people, whom she considered friends, know what was happening and was looking to confide in people she thought she could trust.

I informed her of what Z and staff said about her in the meeting that she was not allowed to attend. She said she had heard such a meeting occurred but knew none of the details or what was discussed. She was incredibly surprised when she learned Z and Nikesha said she came on to them sexually. That really took her aback and brought up a lot of emotions and I could see anger on her face. Lisa informed me that Z was starting to make vague and ambiguous moves towards her. And she asked Z what was going on; when it appeared from Lisa’s point of view that Z was coming onto her. She simply wanted to know what Z’s intentions were and for clarity and truth from Z.

I informed her how Z and staff described her as “psychologically unstable” and “could not be trusted.” She was incredibly disappointed to hear this. She now realized why the students whom she called friends stopped talking to her and started ignoring her in public. Lisa did not know why they were doing this to her and said it was painful. She did not know it was because Z and staff succeeded in spreading rumors and making people believe that Lisa was psychotic and could not be trusted, which is a flat out lie by Z and staff.

In my opinion it was Z projecting her untrustworthiness onto Lisa, and it was Z who spread rumors about Lisa’s character. It is almost as if Z chose Lisa to be a scapegoat and projection for Z’s issues, and Z used it as a way to make students feel as if Lisa was the one who could not be trusted so that students would build a pseudo trust for Z. I don’t know the reasons why Z would do this to multiple students: calling them “delusional,” “psychotic,” “untrustworthy,” then kicking them out of the school. To me it feels like there are many students like me who don’t fully trust Z and are always on the edge of leaving, and Z uses these situations to manipulate things to appear that she is a trustworthy individual. SHE IS NOT!

To summarize here are the major red flags and warning signs from this meeting:

-The fact that Lisa was not present.
-The fact that no one else in the meeting or the school stated that they saw Lisa make sexual advances toward Zhen and/or Nikesha.
-No students in the meeting verbally agreed with Zhen and staff in regards to Lisa usurping class time with questions and comments.
-The fact that Zhen and staff stated they would inform the student body right away when someone is kicked out and they did not do that in regards to Lisa’s dismissal.
-The fact that students confide in Zhen with trust and confidentiality, as Lisa did, and that Zhen and staff shared so much revealing information about Lisa without her consent or knowing.
-If Lisa actually was psychologically unstable, then the worse thing to do would be to ostracize her from the school, the community, and her friends; a true teacher and institute that cared about the health and well being of its students would have protocols in place to support such students.

As I stated before, I wish I had spoken up at the meeting. I wish I would have asked where Lisa was. Just because I was new at the school doesn’t mean I don’t have a voice of reason, rationale, and justice. But I did not speak up. All I can do is use this as a learning experience to speak up now. Hopefully this inspires you to speak up when you see injustice somewhere as well.

The lingering feelings of doubts and questions I had about Z and the MI slowly sunk to the back of my consciousness, but they did not disappear. For the next year I continued to take classes and study with a more skeptical eye, and every time I began to doubt Z, she would use her intelligence and charisma to assuage my doubts just enough for me to stay.

The Second Student I Witnessed Being Kicked Out:

Over the course of the year following Lisa’s dismissal, the next big incident occurred. During that time Nikesha started to attend class less and less. As I mentioned earlier Nikesha was Z’s romantic partner (I believe they had been dating for ten years at this time), she was a MI staff member, and a senior student and teacher. Nikesha was a major presence in the school, helping build the website, teach classes and workshops, and was influential in bringing many students into the school.

As Nikesha was such a leader and presence in the school, it was very noticeable when her attendance decreased. At first I did not think anything of it as she lived in Taos, an hour and a half drive one way to Santa Fe. She is also a mother of two, a high school film teacher, and was starting an immense undertaking of personal art projects. She had a very full plate and not driving three hours for classes made sense to me.

During this time as I was becoming more committed and involved in the MI, and my doubts of Z waned as I began to build some trust with her. I confided in her for advice about my struggling relationship at the time. Over the course of a few conversations Z loosely mentioned that she too was going through tough times in her relationship with Nikesha. I never thought too much of it other than Z is human too and going through whatever relationship struggles she is going through with Nikesha. That is between her and Nikesha and is none of my business.

After those conversations with Z, I almost never saw Nikesha in class. There were only a couple times where I saw Nikesha over the course of a few months. Each of those times it was clear that she had just finished an emotional talk with Z and was going through a lot. Again, I did not think too much of it, as it was between her and Z. I simply had empathy for each of them as I knew from my own experience that going through relationship difficulties with someone you love and care about is very emotional and challenging.

Almost one year after the meeting where Lisa was kicked out of the school I get a call out of the blue from Nikesha, after not having talked to her for a while. She is clearly emotional, stressed, and it is noticeable in her voice there is something wrong. In a panicked tone she said:

“Zhen is doing the same thing to me.

Zhen is kicking me out of the school.

They are doing the same thing to me.

They are kicking me out of the school!”

Instantly in my gut, I felt the same feeling I had felt in regards to the meeting that Z and staff held in regards to Lisa’s dismissal. I felt something was not right. I trusted Nikesha’s words and could hear the truth in her voice. I spent the next couple hours on the phone talking with Nikesha, asking her what happened and to explain the situation.

She explained how Z and staff had a meeting with her to tell her she is kicked off staff and not allowed to attend classes at the institute. They said she is no longer allowed to work on the website, even though she is the one who developed it and volunteered countless hours of unpaid work to keep it up and running, and that they would be paying a website builder to take over website duties. She explained how poorly they treated her and how it felt like Z and the other staff members: Sunny, Thomas, and Eve (as Eve joined staff shortly after the dismissal of Lisa) were all against her. She felt singled out, alone, and that all the work she had done to help promote Z and MD was for nothing. She was emotional and upset, and rightfully so. She had dedicated her life to MD, and dedicated her love to Z.

It was clear to see on many levels what she had done for the school, the teachings, the community, and even for Zhen. Her stress and emotions were a very valid reaction, after having the person she loved for ten years, and the staff members she worked beside and trusted to take it all away from her.

I found myself in a precarious situation. I did not know what to do. I fully believed Nikesha and sympathized for what she was going through. I also knew that this was a recurring pattern with Z and staff kicking out students, calling them delusional, and then ostracizing them from the school and the community. I observed it when they kicked out Lisa, and heard about it with the two students that Z and staff kicked out before I began attending the school.

In the meeting where Z and staff discussed the dismissal of Lisa, they mentioned these two students. Z said that these two women were also “delusional,” “psychotic,” made sexual advances toward Z, were spreading rumors, and were not trustworthy. Another red flag of projection, blame, and gaslighting. This time it was happening for a fourth time, and now it was with Nikesha.

I knew I had to do something to help Nikesha but I didn’t know what. At this point I had invested another year to studying and training at the MI, which meant more time, money, and energy invested, as well as more brainwashing and believing Z and her stories. As I trusted Z and MD quite a bit at this point I found this very disturbing and unsettling to hear. Even though I knew I had to do something I was conflicted.

The ego can get attached to your reality, career, sense of self, etc. It really takes a lot of humility to be able to go against your pride and your ego when you have spent so much time, energy, and money on something you think is so great only to hear it may not be as good as it appears. It can cause you to rationalize in a way to continue doing something you know is not in line with your values.

My gut and intuition again wanted to act right away. I wanted to share Nikesha’s experience and story with the leaders and core members of the school in order to build a support group and system to address this issue in a fair and just way. I asked her if she had talked to anyone else, and also mentioned some people I thought would be good to get involved. She said she had talked to a few other people but not many.

I also told her to do her best to remain calm, use the practices and the forms we had learned as a way to get through this time. I told her she has an incredible gift with these teachings and to keep focusing on that and her journey with the teachings themselves irrespective of Z. At that time I still thought that the teachings and the forms were pure and it was Z that was the issue. I now believe the teachings themselves are not healthy either, as they all came from Zhen, and like I said before: If the soil is polluted, any vegetable that grows in it will be polluted too.

We finished the conversation and it appeared that Nikesha was more calm. We didn’t know exactly what we were going to do, but we knew we had to do something. Over the next few days I started to again think about how Z kicked out Lisa, and how wrong that situation was. I had a lot of doubts and questions arise as to how and why Z could do this to her partner of ten years in Nikesha. I talked to Nikesha again a few days later to check in and see how she was doing and to brainstorm how we could move forward. My soul was ready to act and was fully on board to help Nikesha through this, but my mind was not completely in it as I was still hoping to study with Z and I didn’t want my involvement in helping Nikesha to ruin that opportunity. I imagine Nikesha could feel that split in me.

The next day Thomas reached out to me. He said he was aware that Nikesha had reached out to me and he said he was available to talk and answer any questions I may have about the situation. At that point I still trusted Thomas and thought he was a fair and honest man. Even though he was on staff and had been a part of the dismissal of Nikesha and the previous students, at the time I failed to see his involvement in enabling Z and the handling of the other student dismissals. So I decided it would be good to talk to Thomas in order to get a better understanding of the situation.

The conversation focused on making sure I had no doubts or questions about Z and the MI, to reinforce that Z, staff, and the MI are trustworthy, and to point out to me that Nikesha was “psychologically unstable” and could not be trusted. Sound Familiar? Yep the exact same things they said about Lisa, and the two previous students who got kicked out.

Thomas shared some incredibly revealing and personal information about Nikesha to try to prove her “psychosis” to me. In my opinion this information was so personal and confidential that the only person who had the authority to share it with me was Nikesha. Once again my intuition felt uneasy with Thomas imparting such vulnerable material about Nikesha without her present or without her consent. After speaking with Thomas for an hour my gut still felt Nikesha was telling the truth and something was off with Z and staff for ostracizing her. However, all the stories Thomas was telling me about Nikesha to portray her as “psychologically unstable” hooked into my mind where I was split and started bringing up doubts about Nikesha in my mind. At the end of the conversation I told Thomas that I trusted him, and Z, and staff, and felt they did the right thing, but I would need some time to sit with all this.

From Z and Thomas’ point of view they succeeded. They got to me just in time. As I was starting to doubt and question Z more than ever, they came in and shared personal information about Nikesha to turn the tables and make me second-guess Nikesha. After that conversation with Thomas I sat with everything I had learned in the past week. Energetically I withdrew from Nikesha and I am sure she felt my fleeing support. I think I communicated with her a few more times but was less involved. With a big 10 day workshop coming up in a week I chose to believe Thomas and once again I turned a blind eye to underlying issues with Z and the MD staff’s handling of student dismissals in order to selfishly continue my studying and practicing.

Myself and every student who continued to study with Zhen after witnessing what we did, chose to turn a blind eye to the truth so that we didn’t have to bear the reality that all the time, energy, and money we were investing was in a phony program with a teacher who is out of integrity. No healthy teacher, no healthy institute, no healthy community would kick students out for being psychologically unstable, especially their lover, partner, and confidant who gave so much to the community and school. A healthy teacher, institute, and community would support individuals going through such an experience and help bring some stability into their life, and show some care and empathy.

Myself, and many other students who were aware of these situations, continued to study with Z. And again, every moment spent with Z and at the MI was another moment of Z being able to subtly, and overtly, build up stories that made you trust her and subdue your doubts a little deeper and further from access. Even though those doubts never go away, they do get harder to reach and become less palpable. Slowly over the course of a few months I thought less and less about Nikesha and more and more about my studying and practice. It was selfish.

Once again a student was kicked out, called “psychotic,” and a meeting was not held. I vividly remember at the meeting with Lisa, Z and staff stated they would inform the student body when a student is kicked out of the school right away. They said that this was to make sure the community knew the truth and so that rumors and doubts would not be spread. But there was no meeting or mention of Nikesha’s dismissal. Although I questioned this internally, I did not take any action or speak up. And when we do not take action or speak up malice and ill behavior can work under the shadows of complacency. It was another opportunity in life for me to speak up that I did not take. Little did I know another opportunity would be just around the corner.

The Third Student I Witnessed Being Kicked Out:

The next six months of classes had more red flags and warning signs than ever. At least it appeared that way. In fact they were always there, and now I was simply more aware of them.

Following the dismissal and complete ostracization of Nikesha, Z for the first time in decades was a teacher who was not in a relationship. Z had been in a ten-year relationship with Nikesha, as well as a long-term relationship prior to Nikesha. At first nothing changed in Z’s demeanor or teaching except for the fact that she would sometimes mention how she was newly single and it was such a new world for her. The next six months of classes also had a different feel to them as Z said it would be the last time she would be teaching regular classes, and she would be focusing on her theater company, called Sacra. During this time she also began directing the first Sacra performance and I was one of the students chosen to be in it. To help Z with all that was involved in creating and directing this performance Z hired two women to be assistant directors. One of the women I will call Erin, for her anonymity and privacy.

Over the course of a few months attending classes and Sacra rehearsals I observed Z and Erin spending more and more time together. They had close and cozy friendship that appeared to become more and more intimate each day. I did not think too much of it, I just observed that this was the closest I had seen Z to anyone since Nikesha. At first it didn’t appear that they were in a relationship, but Z definitely was physically closer with Erin and noticeably more so than with anyone else. Often times after late night rehearsals or group dinners, Erin would stay late with Z, after everyone else left. Sometimes Z would even personally ask her to stay.

As time went on they appeared to only become closer and more friendly with each other. At this point it did not appear as a problem or issue to me, but it did start to look more and more like a romantic relationship. It was not distracting from rehearsals or classes in any way, just an observation. In Z’s training for future teachers she would often preach about the importance of healthy teacher-student relationships and boundaries. I thought that if anyone knew how to handle potential romantic feelings or relationships with a student, such as what appeared to be happening with Erin, it would be Z.

Even after all I observed with Nikesha and Lisa being kicked out of the school and being called ‘psychotic,’ and hearing about the two previous students, I was still naive enough to believe Z knew how to navigate a relationship with a student in a safe and healthy way, whether romantic as was the case with Nikesha, or student-teacher as was the case with Lisa. Once again I was proven wrong.

After Erin picked up her entire life and made the sacrifice to move to Santa Fe, study at the Mogadao Institute, and volunteer countless unpaid hours as the assistant director to the Sacra theater company, she too was kicked out of the school, and called ‘psychotic,’ and ‘delusional.’

Instantly upon finding out about this, myself and a few other students talked with Erin to hear her side of the story. I had watched this happen twice before with Lisa and Nikesha, and this time I was going to stand strong and do the right thing. We listened to Erin’s entire experience from her first workshop, to the difficult choice of leaving her home and moving to Santa Fe to study with Z, to becoming the assistant director of Sacra. Although she was hesitant to share such vulnerable information about her feelings towards Z she chose to be honest and share that she did have romantic feelings towards Z. She admitted how she communicated those feelings with Z before moving to Santa Fe. Erin described how Z did say that although their “special” friendship would not lead to the “bedroom,” that Z gave permission for Erin to court her, and over the course of the following months Z did not have clear boundaries and led Erin on, making her think there was the potential for something romantic. It is very important to note that in class Z often preached about how courtship and everything surrounding sex, was indeed just as much “sex” as the actual act of intercourse itself.

Upon hearing this from Erin I fully believed her. In the previous six months of classes it was very noticeable that Z and Erin had a friendship that went beyond a typical student-teacher relationship. It was noticeably more intimate. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with a teacher doing so as long as they do so in a healthy way with clear communication and boundaries so that the relationship doesn’t leak into the school or teachings in a negative way, and vice versa. This can be achieved if both the student and teacher are mature and making sovereign choices and decisions. Furthermore it is the utmost importance and responsibility of the teacher and the person in a position of power to NOT use their position and authority to manipulate the situation and the relationship, as we learned Z did.

Upon finding out that Z did not uphold these standards that a person in a position of power must, I knew it was time to speak up. This was the final straw for me. At this point I knew I had lost all trust for Z and the MI. I had seen this twice before and instead of trusting my intuition and standing up for Lisa, I used my mind to rationalize that I was new to the school and it wasn’t my place to speak against Z who appeared to be a trustworthy teacher of 30+ years. Instead of trusting my intuition and standing up for Nikesha I allowed my mind to rationalize that she was in a relationship with Z, and Z knew how to handle it responsibly. And I choose to believe that Nikesha was “psychotic” as Thomas had persuaded me to believe.

So myself, and the group of people who met with Erin came together to discuss what to do and how to handle this situation. We decided that we needed to be the ones to call a meeting this time, in order to hold Zhen accountable for her words and actions. Our intention was to host a meeting where we would come together as a community and discuss how Zhen has acted out of integrity, how the MogaDao staff has enabled such behavior, and how students who standby and take no action are complicit to the toxic culture of Mogadao.

There were also many new students who had no idea about the situation at hand, and that this was a recurring pattern for Z. We wanted to make sure they knew the truth about Z and the MI so they could make an informed decision based on the truth if they wanted to continue giving money, time, and energy to study with such a teacher at such a school. Plus we had just started a three-month immersion training called the “Guan” that cost a lot of money and people made a lot of sacrifices to attend. This incident occurred within the first weeks of the Guan and it gave people the ability to make a decision whether they would like to continue or not.

Having observed the way Z and MD staff have handled such dismissals and meetings in the past we wanted to do everything in our power to make sure a fair and healthy community discussion could take place. We did not want another situation where Z and staff could paint the picture they wanted and make it appear that Erin was another “psychotic” and “delusional” student. Not only did we want to make sure Erin had a chance to speak and explain what she experienced, we also wanted everyone in the school to be able to have a chance to speak, in the form of a circle meeting.

Our original intention was to point out how this specific incident with Erin was just one of many instances that were out of integrity by Z and the MI. We created a set of rules to adhere to that were agreed upon by all parties. We chose to host the meeting at a neutral space in order to make it as safe as possible. We allocated that Erin could speak about her experience, then Z and staff could speak for the same amount of time. After that we would pose a prompting question such as: “Where have you acted out of integrity within this community?” and/or “What can be done to remedy this situation and bring health and healing to the community?” We would utilize a talking stick that would be passed around the circle so that everyone in the community had an opportunity to speak and answer this question for themselves, or choose to pass.

We may have been naïve and idealistic, as we wanted to have a community discussion and actually address the problems within Z and the school. We also wanted to take responsibility for our own actions in enabling such behavior. We did not want it to become a meeting where Z and staff exploit details and intimate information about Erin and Z’s relationship to make it seem like Z was always clear and right, while portraying that Erin was consistently “psychotic” and “delusional.” And we did not want it to be a meeting geared towards trying to make Z seem like an evil villain who did such horrible things.

By posing a prompt and utilizing a talking stick we hoped that people would see how an entire community creates the space for abuse to persist. We had lofty goals that this could be achieved in a safe and healthy way. By taking the high road we even hoped that maybe Z would admit her faults, apologize for her behavior, and she and staff would make a plan on how to address, heal, and fix the situation.

We were caught completely off guard from the very beginning of the meeting in which Z and the MD staff consisting of Thomas, Eve, and Sunny quickly usurped the meeting’s innocence and equanimity. Thomas argued that the rules were not fair and adequate, even though both parties had already agreed to them via email prior to the meeting. Z, staff, and dedicated students were rude throughout, not adhering to the rules, lying, speaking out of turn, making false accusations, and scoffing at Erin when she was exhibiting PTSD symptoms.

The only time the meeting had the respect and courtesy we were hoping to achieve occurred while Erin was reading the letter she had written to Zhen and the statement she had written for the meeting.

After listening intently to her, Z and staff had equal time to speak. Z used her time to talk about how the previous students who had been kicked out have since written to Z apologizing for their actions and thanking Z for her wisdom as a teacher. Z had Thomas read excerpts from two of the previous victim’s emails. Emails that I am sure were sent to Z under the guise that they would be kept confidential and not shared in public as they were. Thomas read excerpts of the victims taking responsibility for their actions, just as Erin had taken responsibility earlier in the meeting for her actions. Without context I do not know what else the victims said in their letters but I have a feeling they would not have agreed with the way Z and staff presented these quotes out of context. Z was attempting to use these two as an example showing how Z feels she is a superior teacher who knows best for the students.

Reading these quotes was incredibly disrespectful. It showed me how Z would use things like this to justify her behavior. Having Thomas read them so bluntly showed how much Thomas had seen over the years and how clearly he sided with Z and enabled such behavior. I don’t remember exactly what the victims said but it was something along the lines of: ‘had you not done what you did to me, I wouldn’t have grown to where I am now.’ This is true but it does not justify or make Z’s actions right.

I have friends who have been raped. They are strong and powerful women who had the resiliency and support system to overcome the horrendous and unwanted events that occurred. They may even say that surviving the rape and overcoming the PTSD and the healing journey of it made them stronger. But they surely wish it had never happened. And just because it happened, and it did make them stronger people, that does not justify the perpetrator and the action. Rape is still unacceptable and should never happen. Just as Z leading women on, making them think something romantic could happen, then kicking them out of the school and community and calling them “delusional,” is not a safe and healthy way to teach someone to become a stronger and better person. It is abuse, it is gaslighting, it is manipulation, it is toxic, it is wrong, and Z needs to be held accountable for her ill actions and words.

A large portion of Z’s statement also involved Z stating how she is a woman, and how she is the victim of abuse in all of the situations where she kicked students out of the school. I am in support of trans rights. I respect what pronoun someone is. But when you are born into a male body, present as a male, and live the first 50 years of your life as a male in this culture you have a very different experience than someone who was born or presents as female. Then to transition when you’re 50 and go by the pronoun they for a year, and only have gone by the pronoun she for around a year while still primarily presenting as a male you have not had much of a female or trans experience in life yet.

Again I am not disrespecting trans rights or even Z, but when you have had very little experience as a female in this world and to be a teacher in a position of power who preaches about healthy student-teacher boundaries, how to control and navigate your sex and your sex life, and to then lead on five students in six years, kick them out of the school, ostracize them from the community, spread rumors that they are the “psychotic” and “delusional” ones, and then claim to be a “female victim,” is complete and utter gaslighting, manipulation and abuse.

The first two women Z kicked out of the school when he went by his birth name of Daniel Villasenor and used his birth pronoun he. The third student kicked out was Lisa who started studying when he went by Daniel Villasenor for two years before he transitioned to Zhenzan Dao and used the pronoun they. The fourth student kicked out is unique in the fact it is Nikesha and they were in a relationship for ten years. But that relationship started when he went by Daniel Villasenor and ended when they went by Zhenzan and the pronoun they. Erin was the only student out of these five who met Z, when Z chose to go by the pronoun she. And like I said even though Z chose to go by the pronoun she and was starting to take estrogen and hormone therapy to present more as a woman, she still appeared with a very strong masculine identity. So here is this person who has spent most their life as male, claiming to be a woman and a victim. Over and over Z kept saying, “I am the victim.”

This is absolutely preposterous. It is disrespectful to all the women who have had to struggle with sexual harassment, rape, abuse, unequal pay, dirty jokes, and the whole slew of disgusting and unacceptable behavior that our culture and this patriarchy has committed towards women. It is also disrespectful to all the transgender people who truly are victims or have been abused. And I know that many transgender people are or have been victims of abuse. I have a cousin who transitioned from male to female in their 50’s, and I saw what pain and troubles she went through before, during, and after their transition. But she never abused others; even after the harassment and abuse she received towards her.

The reality is Z, regardless of gender, was the perpetrator of abuse toward Erin and was using her stature as “almighty trustworthy founder and teacher” of MD to make it appear as if she was a marginalized transgender woman who was the victim of abuse in this case with Erin, and in the previous incidents. If Z were truly the victim then I would be defending her against the perpetrator. It does not matter the gender or the preferred pronoun. This whole situation just made it seem like Z was only using the transgender card to portray that she is a marginalized victim in order to get students to have sympathy for her, and to trust her not Erin.

Over the last six months Z allowed Erin to become very close and intimate with her. No it did not become sexual, but it certainly was more than a friendship, and certainly more than a typical student-teacher relationship. If Z was true to her word and to her teachings she would have handled Erin’s feelings responsibly, by either being more clear from the beginning that nothing romantic would happen and continue to uphold those words with actions that aligned with them by not leading Erin on. Or if she did have feelings for Erin beyond a typical student-teacher relationship she would have communicated that in a healthy and honest way.

What I observed from Z at the meeting was not a wise teacher and leader, and the way she treated Erin, Nikesha, Lisa, and the previous students is not acceptable. I now see how clearly this is a recurring problem for Z, enabled by the MD staff and needs to stop.

Conclusion:

In conclusion, Z’s words and demeanor at the meeting felt more like words from a middle school student looking to entice drama and gain attention, rather then words from a self-proclaimed master of chi and the founder of a superior practice tradition (as she touted MD to be). She never took responsibility for her actions in this situation or previous situations. She blamed and projected her issues onto the victims attempting to gaslight them into thinking they were delusional and psychotic, and attempting to manipulate other students to believing such rumors. She took advantage of marginalized communities, trans rights, sexism, and the female in order to make herself appear as the victim. And almost immediately after this meeting she posted front and center on the MD website a “Manifesto of Freedom and Care” in which she states over and over “I am not a spiritual teacher,” and “I am a woman, I am a transwoman.”

In my opinion this manifesto was just like the handout she created about the need for students to have a certain level of psychological health and stability, after the dismissal of Lisa. That handout seemed to be used to further reinforce the rumors that Z made about Lisa being “psychotic.” To me this manifesto served a similar purpose in perpetuating the gaslighting, projection, and manipulation that Z had used in the meeting. In the manifesto Z stated over and over how “I am not a spiritual teacher,” “I am not a healer,” “I am not a leader of a spiritual community,” etc., while stating over and over “I am a woman, I am a transwoman.”

I believe this was strategically done in order for Z to defer blame and responsibility by claiming that she is not a spiritual leader of a community, when she was and still is. She reiterated her being the leader and founder of a spiritual community and practice tradition almost daily for the multiple years I studied with her. In her teachings she would ask questions to teachers in trainings such as: “What does it take to be a leader of a spiritual community?” As the founder and leader of MD, she prided herself in how it covers all of humanity: qigong, yoga, martial arts, academia, poetry, sexuality, Chinese medicine, and healing of trauma. I heard her say more than once: “I am a healer.” And now she is saying the exact opposite in this manifesto.

In her teacher training program she preaches the importance of how to nurture a human soul and hold space for them in their journey of healing, growth, and flourishing in literally every aspect of humanity: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. Sounds like a spiritual teacher to me. She preached on how to create a safe and healthy community that is inclusive of all bodies, types, and levels (Which within the years I studied the MI became less and less inclusive, and there was an unspoken air and stigma you had to be “young,” “strong,” and “beautiful” to study there. It made it feel cliquey with a cool kids club vibe and I know many people felt this and left the school because of it). Sounds like the leader of a spiritual community to me.

She created an entire qigong form and program to help people heal trauma. A big portion and the foundation of the sexuality work is to heal sexual trauma. Students are coming to Z because she claims she teaches these things and that MD, the community, and the practice can give you the medicine and tools to work through these challenges in life and heal them. Sounds like a healer to me.

To hear this person whom I once greatly respected speaking like a pre pubescent teen in a popularity contest was heartbreaking. Z still spoke with the intelligent and vast vocabulary she always had, but now I saw how all that poetry and academia speak was just another façade of smoke and mirrors to create a false illusion of trust by wowing people with such an expansive knowledge of language and philosophy. She spoke very calmly, quietly, and slowly, using her time to enunciate and use her knowledge of the voice and speech to lull people into a hypnotic state. In my opinion this new age spiritual guru vibe makes people believe her to be a calm and wise person, and get lost in the sweet, gentle story voice instead of really listening to what she is saying and seeing what she is doing. But now that I was aware of it I saw right through it and heard her true words of projection, manipulation, and blame being spouted out.

Nikesha, who was now back in a relationship with Z, was also at the meeting and had some harsh words towards Erin, and anyone who thought they may ever have a chance at a relationship with Z, stating how she was the only one who Z could ever love and be in a relationship with, and that these other women were “delusional” to have such thoughts. She was once again corroborating with Z.

It was very difficult to see Nikesha getting sucked back into Z and even reinforcing Z’s abuse, lies, and manipulation with her comments. It was sad to see her getting sucked back into the drama after she just went through the same thing as Erin six months prior, by having Z break up with her, kick her out of the school, ostracize her and make her seem “psychotic.” It was heartbreaking to see her completely brainwashed and now ridiculing victims just like she once was. It’s only a matter of time until history repeats itself and she is banished again. Z is not right. This pattern of abuse and manipulation is not right. And it takes people waking up, shining a light on the darkness of it, and speaking up about it to make it change.

Within that meeting there were many devoted students who were seeing and hearing things they had already heard and experienced before. Some students were there when Lisa got kicked out. Some were there when Nikesha got kicked out. Some had no idea that any of this was happening under their nose or had happened before they got there. The really sad thing was seeing the students who had been there the longest be so rude, malicious, and aggressive during the meeting. Some of the veteran students and leaders of the school that I once called friends and comrades treated myself, Erin, and the people putting this meeting on as if we were villains. Some spoke out of turn, some didn’t adhere to the rules, and some said things I would never expect to come out of their mouth.

One of the most disheartening things was hearing dedicated students say they were in MD for the practice, for the forms, for the training, for the classes. They were not studying there for discussions such as this meeting. But the entire guise of Z and MD was to create practices that help you participate in the world. To give you tools to handle adversity, emotions, and human issues as a warrior, face on with heart, compassion, and empathy. When the teacher is preaching this, and preaching the importance of being healthy individuals who have the difficult conversations with their partners, loved ones, co-workers, family members, and fellow community members, I found it at odds when quite a few veteran students, staff, and Z said that this was not the best use of their time and it was distracting from the Guan and the teachings. Very hypocritical.

We were presenting a recurring problem that we observed and experienced with Z and the school and we called this meeting to actually walk the talk of what this school and these practices were supposedly intended to address in our own personal lives, in the world, and certainly within the community from which they came. In this meeting I finally saw how the hypocrisy, manipulation, and delusion of Z’s words and actions infiltrate the entire community.

In hosting this meeting to reveal this problem some students did choose to leave the guan and the school entirely, while many choose to stay. The meeting did not go how we planned and many members of the community who wanted to speak did not get to speak, or did not have enough time to tell their story and show the ways they have been effected by Z’s abuse. It was very challenging and a great risk to put our necks on the line to speak up for the greater good and we know we did the right thing to provide an opportunity for students to see more of the reality of Z, staff, and the MI. We hope that the students who chose to stay will at least look at things more critically and have a greater awareness of the toxicity of Z and the school, and have to courage to speak up, and leave.

Hopefully in time this meeting with the help of this website and these testimonials will help these dedicated students who choose to selfishly and blindly participate in the practice just as I admittedly did, to wake up and get out of the fog. It took me a few years to finally take action and leave the school after seeing all the warning signs I saw.

I think a big issue is the world is a really tough place right now. There are a lot of people who are truly good and want to make the world a better place. Many of these people like me are good hearted and innocent. We trust easily and give the benefit of the doubt to people and situations. Then there are many people out there such as Z who take advantage of people like me. They are wolves in sheep’s clothing and they pull the wool over our eyes. Politicians, CEO’s, Bosses, the list goes on and on of people who abuse their power.

And more and more information is coming out on spiritual teachers who are using their position of power to perpetuate harm. Spiritual teachers like Z who build a false trust that you think is legitimate. In this world where so many people lie, cheat, steal, and use cunning tactics to get ahead over their brothers and sisters, it is nice when you think you have finally found a teacher, a person, and a community that doesn’t do that. This creates an illusion in many students and participants that makes it feel as if Z and MD is the only good thing left in the world, the only place they can go to grow and learn and be vulnerable. When you invest so much time, money, and energy it builds your pride and ego around that person or that school. It makes it tougher to be true to yourself and realize that maybe this teacher and this school isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

I certainly did it in my own way for a few years, but I chose to say no to it when it became too much. When it was clear this behavior was unacceptable, I finally chose to walk away without any doubts, even though I had given so much time, so much energy, so much money. I had given it my life.

By leaving Mogadao and Zhen I gained back my life.