What follows is a list I have made to highlight some of the dynamics of Mogadao that I feel were harmful to me, and to others.  I will illustrate them with stories of my experiences over the years.  We were told that any negativity or wounding we experienced during classes was something that we brought in within ourselves.  I no longer believe this.  I am effected by others, not just by my wounds from the past.

1.                    Emphasis on “devotion.” 

          There were constant schedule changes that caused many “devoted” student s to slowly dismantle their lives in order to keep up.  These schedule changes often included changing the names of the classes. There was no consistency within the classes. 

          Content was always changing, which meant, if you wanted to be “current” in your studies, you had to adapt and sacrifice everything to be the ideal student. The constant changing of the content of classes prevented any accountability.  Money and time investment kept increasing over time as more and more retreats were required to become a teacher of the work.

          We were told that every practice was necessary to the effectiveness of the other practices. Understanding of one practice hinged on understanding all of them. The amount of classes required kept expanding as financial aid became more difficult to obtain.

          This was particularly hard for me- and I was told the problem was with me.  I have since learned that constant schedule change is a common tactic that cults and high demand communities use to distance people from their lives.

2.                     Power dynamics, praise, and neglect

          This is a major aspect of the school that I struggled with.  When a school only focuses on one “guru” who supposedly has all the answers, group dynamics can get messy. This power structure prevented a cohesive community as everyone was always competing, trying to get an ear from Zhen for a few moments.  There was an unspoken competitiveness for praise.  There were obvious favorites that would shift depending on how useful people were to the school in that moment. 

          These dynamics were particularly difficult for my self esteem, and constantly drove me deeper into trying to “prove myself.”  I missed out on being with several close friends during their last months alive because I was so convinced I would miss out, or “not be enough.” There was enormous pressure to stay committed to the school over my personal life. I finally reached a point where I realized that this goal was impossible and began to detach slowly, wanting to see what would happen if I started to go to less classes, and do less.  Immediately my status within the school changed, and I started to get a different perspective.

          Once people committed they were taken for granted.  There was no honoring of most of the senior teachers- in fact, they were often shamed because they could not keep up with the “devotion” necessary to stay up on the latest changes to the teaching. The stress that this put on teachers and students hoping to be teachers, was a lot.

3.                    Mixed signals and gaslighting

          I heard accounts from former students who had questioned whether Zhen was hitting on them.  They were kicked out of the school and their name was smeared to the community.  They were called “mentally unstable,” and “unable to handle the work.” This happened to 4 students while I was at the school, but I have learned of several more since then. The same for students who were injured in the martial arts classes by the teacher- they were told they were making things up.  This happened to two students that I know of.

          As I became more aware of how many people this had happened to, my trust in the teacher and the community began to weaken.  After one student in particular was led on, she was kicked out of the school when she professed her love in an email. There was a schoolwide meeting, held by concerned students, in which Zhen and staff only expressed concern for their reputation and not for the person who had been wounded. Zhen even had the audacity to state, “I’m the victim here, ever since I transitioned (rubs her breasts seductively) everyone wants this.”  This meeting was the final straw for me.   I still hear Zhen saying that in my head sometimes and I am disgusted. 

          It is really common for clients to fall in love with their doctors, therapists, healers, or teachers.  Part of being a skillful healer is knowing how to help someone through this as it comes up, and not create deeper wounding.  I lost all faith in Zhen’s abilities to hold any reliable container as I saw how she dealt with this situation.  She tried to smear this student’s name.  Her stories of how she supposedly drew boundaries with this student were unclear and sounded manipulative to me. 

          I learned later on, that Zhen had been spending all her time with this student, that they were regularly seen holding hands and heard telling each "I love you." The timing of this email and this student's expulsion was right after Zhen got back together with her ex. On hearing more about their relationship, I believe that the student did have a romantic relationship with Zhen, even if it was not explicitly sexual, then was publicly humiliated and gaslit.   This was starting to look like a pattern that was extremely harmful to students that had come to the community seeking healing.

4.                    Constantly putting down all other practices or approaches to spiritual life.

          The most uncomfortable examples of this that I witnessed were twice, when there were Sikhs in the room, Zhen put down Yogi Bhajan, or something related to the Sikh tradition.  I had practices that I have personally found helpful put down in comparison of the “effectiveness” of Mogadao.

           Zhen also had no loyalty to her teachers that she supposedly studied with in China. She put down all other teachers and teachings of yoga, qigong, sexuality, martial arts, tantra, philosophy, Taoism, etc.   She supposedly has created and discovered forms that are "superior" to anything else being taught everywhere.

5.                    Zhen claiming that she has innovated and invented things that actually are mainstream. 

          As I have continued my yoga and spiritual studies elsewhere, I have heard other teachers explain almost every GOOD teaching that supposedly was “copyrighted and invented by Mogadao.”   This has been from teachers who have never heard of MD. 

            Zhen claims that one can only hear teachings on ALL these subjects within the school of Mogadao.  But when a teacher claims to be an “expert” on everything, you can be sure it’s too good be true, and the teachings you will get will be watered down or harmful.  I did learn many helpful things during my time with MD, but they were all entwined with a lot of philosophy and actions that are actually harmful.  It's been a difficult process to sort out which is which.

6.                    There was no honoring of confidentiality

          People’s personal issues that obviously had been confided privately were told as stories by Zhen in public classes. Often the point being made seemed to just be to brag about the “great” advice he/she had given. This weakened my trust considerably.

7.                    No support when students struggling during a class or retreat

           If students felt wounded by something that happened in class, they were told it was what “they” brought into the space.  There was no accountability that anything that may have happened would have caused wounding.  I had a mental/emotional break during one retreat.  I witnessed others having similar really difficult times, and there was a real lack of support from staff and community.  I believe the lack of support from community stemmed from the fact that many participants were often having hard times.  I have since learned that there is such thing as a qigong crisis.  Anyone teaching how to move energy should have tools and resources available for supporting people if/when this comes up.